Sir Paul: A Proposition

Since I can't find an address for you anywhere, I thought that I'd write this as an open letter. That way, just in case you're Googling your name on the web some day, you'll run across this little business proposition.

Because of your half-time gig in February, I tuned into the Super Bowl for the first time in thirty-one years. You made it a beautiful night for a lot of us!

I understand that you were paid $3.4-million for your four-song set.

While I can't pay you that amount of money, I would like to offer you a gig for yet another special occasion. In fact, it's a double special occasion.

On June 18 of this year, our daughter, as big a Macca Fan as her parents, will be marrying. While it had nothing to do with the date selected, I realize that June 18 is also your birthday.

We already have fantastic music planned for both the wedding and reception. However, taking a cue from the NFL, I am able to offer you $34.00 to play a four-song set at the reception! (This seems appropriate, since the audience will be a fraction of the one that watched the Super Bowl.) If you like, I will write the check for Adopt-a-Minefield, one of your favorite charities.

But wait, there's more! If generating a contribution to your favorite organization for playing before a small throng of appreciative fans isn't enough, we have something more to spice up the offer! Both my son and future son-in-law have recently gone to work for a major airline. They can provide you free airfare to beautiful Cincinnati. Can you imagine the excitement that you and your Heather will feel as you celebrate your sixty-third birthday in America's Queen City?

And that's not all! If you take up my offer, we'll find a place for you to stay here in my suburban home. We can listen to music all night long, if you like. I can even play a few of my own compositions, you lucky knight, you. (Sorry though, I don't smoke any funny stuff. In fact, I don't smoke anything.)

The day after the wedding, you can be my guest for a breakfast at the Cracker Barrel before you fly to East Sussex, or Manhattan, or Santa Barbara, or wherever you'd like to jet.

Think about it, Paulie. You have to agree that this is one enticing package, isn't it?

UPDATE: With the announcement that, through your MPL Communications, you're now willing to sell the rights for twenty of your compositions to be used in radio and television advertising, you may prefer that I write the $34.00 check to you personally. I hadn't realized how bad your cash flow situation was!