Do Christians Grieve?

The "five stages of grief" were first introduced to the world by Swiss-born psychiatrist, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. Kubler-Ross worked with the victims of terminal disease and over time, observed that they typically went through five seasons of grief.

The five stages Kubler-Ross identified were, in turn: denial, anger or resentment, bargaining (in which the patient tries to strike a bargain with God for a few more years of life), depression (as the reality of impending death comes home), and acceptance ( a time of facing death with calmness).

What has subsequently been learned is that any person facing any grief in life–the death of a loved one, the end of a marriage, the loss of a job, whatever–must negotiate these same five stages of grief if they are to become psychologically and spiritually healthy again. Acceptance is the stage at which we are able to acknowledge our grief and move on with our lives.

There are some people who claim that Christians are exempt from grief. "I'm too busy rejoicing to grieve," they like to say. But that's rubbish and such an attitude can be downright un-Christian. It can cause us to get stuck in denial when grief strikes us and it can make us hatefully insensitive to the grief of others.

A man I know went to a funeral viewing one evening. The wife of a high school classmate had lost her battle with cancer. Later that week, the man spent some time with his twin brother and mentioned having been at the viewing. "Oh, yeah," his brother said rather breezily, and then asked how their classmate was doing. "As you can imagine, he's devastated," my friend replied. The twin was incredulous. "Devastated?" he repeated questioningly. "He's a believer in Christ. He knows he's going to see his wife again in heaven. How can he possibly be devastated?" The twin brother's response indicated his belief that there was something wrong with the faith of a believer who grieved.

But the Bible, God's Word and the Christian's authoritative truth source, doesn't accuse people who grieve of being unbelieving! For example, in talking about the promise of resurrection which all who turn from sin and follow Jesus Christ have, the first-century preacher, Paul, writes in the New Testament: "...we do not want you to be uninformed...about those who have died, so that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with Him those who died" (First Thessalonians 4:13-14).

Notice that Paul doesn't say that Christians don't grieve. He says that there is a qualitative difference in the way Christians grieve: Christians grieve their losses, but live with hope that the risen Jesus will ultimately and eternally make things right.

Christians know that whatever befalls them, they have hope. "...[I]f we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with Him" (Romans 6:8).

But Christians also know that in this journey through life, we will grieve.

The person with hope in Christ can, over time, traverse the stages of grief healthfully, and through it, learn how faithful Jesus is to His promise to be with us always!