Brief Reflections on Domestic Violence

During yesterday's gathering of congregations from the Scioto Conference, Southern Ohio Synod, (ELCA), we heard an enlightening, if grim, presentation on domestic violence.

One stunning statistic shared was that within the adult population in the US, 25% of all women and 11% of all men have been the victims of such violence. The presenters reminded us that physical violence is just one dimension, the worst perhaps, of a deeper problem that crops up in many relationships: the insistence of one person on being the boss and the acceptance of that by the other.

Often in abusive relationships, one partner, more frequently the man, convinces the other that no one else would have them.

Sadly, as the speakers pointed out, abused people are encouraged to stay in relationships because they think the relationship's problems are their fault or because they want to keep their marriage or family intact.

As I reflected on the presentation, I grasped that this is a profoundly spiritual issue. People who feel the need to be "boss," dominating their relationships, are compensating for a deep sense of fear and inadequacy. Such feelings can only be increased in economic down times, such as the ones through which we're going right now. Abusers feel that life and the world are out of control. And so, they seek to control those around them.

People who submit to abuse are also wrestling with fear and inadequacy, willing to accept abuse--verbal and emotional as well as physical--as the price they must pay for having what they mistakenly believe is "love."

In essence, abusers make themselves gods to those they abuse and those who accept their abuse offer a twisted kind of "worship," allowing their abusers control over them.

Of course, as Christians, we pray, "Your will be done," believing that life is best when God is in control and when we place ourselves under His authority. People need to hear and experience the Good News of God, Who is for us, promises to be with us through good and bad times, and to hear our prayers.