Thursday, June 24, 2010

Just read in the car...

Paula Urburu's fascinating account of turn-of-the-century (19th to 20th, by the way) New York. Evelyn Nesbit, underage beauty, was arguably America's first supermodel, her image appearing on everything from serious art prints to bars of soap. This is a story of parental negligence, financial desperation, celebrity, and scandal in a city then emerging as more than a center of commerce, but also as a media dream machine.



[Below, Evelyn Nesbit]

Reading in the car...

...(not while driving, but to my wife, while she drives), T.J. Stiles' biography of Cornelius Vanderbilt. Vanderbilt, raised to be a thoroughly economic being--his mother once foreclosed on the mortgage of a widow, who happened to be her daughter--was, as Stiles shows, the first tycoon. This is a well-researched and beautifully written book that will keep you riveted!

Reading...

Frank Freidel's biography of Franklin Roosevelt. It's a good one-volume, no frills approach. I've been reading FDR bios lately to get differing perspectives on him, exploring analogies between the Great Depression and Roosevelt's response on the one hand and the recent recession/financial crisis and Obama's response on the other.

Our Generosity Honors Christ

See here.

It also frees us from the curses of selfishness and self-absorption.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

The Church and Politics?

From Article XXVIII of The Augsburg Confession, one of the basic confessional documents of Lutheranism:
...ecclesiastical and civil power are not to be confused. The power of the church has its own commission to preach the Gospel and administer the sacraments. Let it not invade the other's function, nor transfer the kingdoms of the world, nor abrogate the laws of civil rulers, nor abolish lawful obedience, nor interfere with judgments concerning any civil ordinances or contracts, nor prescribe to civil rulers laws about the forms of government that should be established. Christ says, "My kingdom is not of this world," and again, "Who made me judge or divider over you?" Paul also wrote...,"Our commonwealth is in heaven," and..."The weapons of our warfare are not worldly but have divine power to destroy arguments,"...
At the very least, this article suggests that Lutheran Christians ought to be extremely circumspect about the Church, bishops, or pastors issuing political judgments in their capacity as spokespeople for the Gospel. There are no doubt times when the Church, bishops, and pastors may feel compelled to speak prophetically on social and political issues. But they should do so only when the ministry of Word and Sacrament, the true power of the Church as given by God, commands it. Absent that clarity, we depart from the will of God and diminish the authority of our proclamation of the Gospel when we present our own political views, however well founded we may deem them to be, as though commended by God.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Sunday, June 20, 2010

The Way of Life

[This was shared during worship with the people of Saint Matthew Lutheran Church in Logan, Ohio, earlier today.]

Galatians 3:23-29
Occasionally, when our two kids were small, Ann and I would go out for an evening with friends, usually something glamorous like bowling and dinner. Most of the babysitters we used in those years were very good. While none of them loved our children like Ann and I did, of course, they were responsible and Philip and Sarah both knew that we had delegated our authority to the sitters to ensure that, at the least, the house didn’t burn down while we were away. No matter how good a job our babysitters did though, if our kids were still awake when we got home, they would always run to us and give us big hugs the moments we walked through the door; they were happy to once more be in the embraces of the parents they trusted.

I bring this up not to engage in Father’s Day sentimentality, but for another reason.

Two weeks ago, we began to look at the New Testament book of Galatians. You may remember that this "book" is really a letter written by the apostle Paul in about 53/54 AD to Christian churches in Galatia. That was a region whose population was made up of Gentiles, non-Jews, and it was located in what is today central Turkey.

Paul had planted congregations there, bringing the good news that God’s plan for setting sinful humanity right with God and for destroying the power of death over us had come to full fruition in the Messiah—the Christ—Jesus of Nazareth. Through faith in what Jesus had done for all in His death and resurrection, Paul taught these Galatian converts, they could have their sins forgiven, the promise of everlasting life, and become new people empowered by the Holy Spirit to live in the dignity and freedom that go with being children of God.

The Galatian converts turned from sin (that is, repented), came to believe in Jesus, and were baptized. On this sound basis, the church in Galatia flourished and grew.

Later though, with Paul gone to other regions to spread the gospel and to start new congregations, a group known as Judaizers began to infiltrate the church in Galatia. They taught the Gentile Christians that being baptized and having faith in Jesus wasn’t enough to ensure their salvation. They convinced many of the Galatian Christians that to be certain of their relationship with God, the men must be circumcised and that all of them must submit to the ritual laws of the Jewish faith from which the Messiah had come.

Paul was, as we saw two weeks ago, incensed with the Judaizers. But he was also upset with the Christians who made up the Galatian churches. They had been living in the new freedom Christ gives to forgiven sinners who trust in Him and then submitted themselves to laws that, at most, could only demonstrate their distance from the holiness and purity of God. They had been living as true children of God, growing up under the grace of God, but now were enslaving themselves to laws designed merely to convict them for their human imperfections.

In the opening two lines of our lesson from Galatians for today, Paul says this:
Now before faith came—that is, before the way to new life for all who entrust themselves to Jesus Christ appeared—we were imprisoned and guarded under the law until faith would be revealed. Therefore the law was our disciplinarian until Christ came, so that we might be justified—that is be made right with God—through faith.
Here, Paul is describing two different ways of life: the way of the law and the way of faith in Christ. He had taught the Galatians the way of faith, but many of them were falling away from Christ and losing their grip on grace by pursuing the way of the law.

Now, let's be clear: The law we’re talking about is God’s law. God’s laws aren’t bad things. The laws that command us to love God and to love neighbor, the laws embodied in the Ten Commandments, even many of the ancient Levitical laws governing the behaviors of believers toward each other and toward the strangers in their midst, aren’t bad things. We teach our kids the Commandments in Catechism class, for example, because they reflect God’s will for how human beings should live, they identify the parameters within which life is good.

And, at some basic level, history and experience demonstrate that every human being knows something of God’s law even if they don’t know God or even show any interest in God. Several years ago, in an interrogation room here at the Hocking County jail, a young man broke down to confess to thievery, fearful, he said, that because he had stolen from a church he would go to hell.

We all know God’s law. And it’s good insofar as it goes. But God’s law can’t give us life. It can only show us how far we are from God, how desperately we need God. Paul himself writes about this in the New Testament book of Romans. “I delight in the law of God in my inmost self,” he says, and then confesses himself incapable of keeping the law. Whether in his heart, his mind, or in his actions, Paul says, he falls short of keeping God’s law. So do you and I.

So, it's fair to ask, what good is God’s law? Well, it turns out that mostly, it’s a very good babysitter.*

That’s essentially what Paul is saying in those words I read to you from Galatians a moment ago. The word translated as disciplinarian in verse 24 and later in verse 26, is, in the original Greek, paidagogon or as it’s been transliterated into English, pedagogue. Literally, in the original Greek of the New Testament, it means one who leads a child. Martin Luther, in his translation, rendered the word as schoolmaster. The term, pedagogue, was widely used in the first century Greco-Roman world of specific slaves in wealthy households who were in charge of ensuring that the sons of wealthy fathers did their schoolwork. Their job was to nag their young charges to do the right thing.

Until Jesus showed up, Paul is saying, God’s law acted as a pedagogue—a babysitter, reminding us of right and wrong, prodding and pushing us to do God’s will. But now, we don’t have to depend on the babysitter. Instead, through Jesus we have direct access to our Father God. We can trust that, despite our sins, through what Jesus has done for us and through our faith in Jesus, we are acceptable to God, set free to live not as the students of some slave tutor, however well-intentioned or correct, but as children of God saved by grace.

Paul hoped that his words to the Galatians would come as good news. Jesus was all they needed to be right with God. As he puts it in our lesson, “Now that faith—that is, the life of trust in Jesus Christ--has come, we are no longer subject to a paidagogon—a babysitter, for in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith.”  

In Christ Jesus, we live in a freedom and a life of open-ended possibility that scrupulous attention to religious lists of dos and don’ts could never bring!

That freedom that God gives us to discover our own niches in His kingdom, to live out our love of God and neighbor in our own unique ways, can be disturbing to us. A part of us doesn’t like the open-ended freedom that Christ gives; we would rather have dos and don’ts than live in the mystery of relationship with an infinitely loving God Who allows us to try and sometimes fail. We're like two of the characters in The Shawshank Redemption who were so accustomed to being imprisoned, that they found it hard to handle being set free.

More than one frustrated Christian these past two-thousand years has prayed, “Lord, just tell me what to do” and felt themselves engulfed by silence. But, silence is sometimes what Christian freedom sounds like.

We see this even in our human relationships. A young man, in love, considers whether to ask his sweetheart to marry. He asks his father and mother what he should do. The law might mete out advice; but love will keep silent. A young woman of great talent has the opportunity to take a year away from school and study under one of the great masters of her art. She asks a friend what she should do. The law might proscribe a particular route; but love will just listen.

This is a lesson that the prophet Elijah learned hundreds of years before the birth of Jesus. He sought God’s voice in a great wind, in an earthquake, and in fire, in urgent, commanding realities. But 1 Kings says that the Lord wasn’t found by Elijah in anything but sheer silence, in a place beyond commands, in the grace of God where he experienced the intimate presence of the God Who wants to be our Father, Who silenced Elijah’s feverish seeking and anxious fears by assuring Elijah that He was with Him and always would be.

Five hundred years ago, Luther was inspired by words from Psalm 46 in the composition of his hymn, A Mighty Fortress is Our God. It contains these words: "Be still, and know that I am God!" 

And it was from the silence of a cross on which the Author of all life gave His life for us that God's love gave its ultimate expression.
When you’re living the life of faith rather than the life of the law, it will change every decision you make in life, not because the outcomes will necessarily be different, but because one path will bring decisions you feel you have to make and the other path will render decisions that God lets you make. God doesn't force you to make righteous decisions, he sets you free from slavery to sin so that you can make righteous decisions.

Luther was once asked about how to know the decisions we make are the right ones. He replied that we should consult the Bible, pray, and speak with trusted Christian counselors. Then, if the answer still isn’t clear, we should “sin boldly.”

What he meant was that if our intent as children of God is to do the will of God, if we have prayed about it and sought God’s will, we will make a decision pleasing to God.

The law constantly points out our deficiencies, what we need to do, who we need to be. And I need the law because, if I will let go of my resistance, the law will always point me to my need of the Savior Who gives forgiveness and the power to live. Jesus said that He didn’t come to do away with God’s law, but to fulfill it. And every time you and I violate God’s law, it indicates some lack of trust in the God we know in Christ. That’s why we have an ongoing need to measure ourselves against the law and to live in daily repentance and renewal.

But, unlike the law, God’s love, given in Jesus Christ, assures us that we are loved and gives us the freedom to be all that we were made for. Only the life of faith in Christ can do this.

Small wonder though, that some of the Galatian Christians and some people even today would rather live in the easy certainties of legalistic religion (or the laws of the marketplace, or the shifting conventions of society), rather than to trust in the love of God shining through the fog of uncertainty in this dying world.

Faith is trust. When you hitch your wagon to Jesus’ star, you know how the story will end, you know you will one day be in eternity with God, but you have no idea what the ride between here and there will be like. You have to be willing to live with that mystery and to learn to pray, “Thy will, O Lord, be done.”

The way of faith isn’t easy; but it is the way of life.

Trust in Christ and live!

*The babysitter image is suggested by N.T. Wright here

Friday, June 18, 2010

Local Mission "Trip": Day 5

We crossed the finish line strong on the fifth and final day of the Saint Matthew Lutheran Church local mission "trip."

We divided into two groups.

One prepared the church's fellowship hall for tomorrow's Italian Dinner, the proceeds from which will help to support the servanthood and youth ministries--like the mission trip--of the congregation.

Another group put stain onto the two decks of Betty's house. The latter job, which, at first we thought would take about a half-hour, ended up being a two-and-a-half hour task, but looked great when completed. The sun not only seemed to dry the stain in a hurry, but did a fairly good job of baking us, too!

Our morning devotional period was built around 1 Timothy 6:11-12. 1 Timothy is one of two letters written by the apostle Paul to a young pastor. Paul gives all sorts of good advice to Timothy in these letters. Earlier in this particular letter, Paul talks about some the wrong paths that churches and Christians can go down--spiritual conceit, envy, argumentativeness, slander, suspiciousness, and believing that having more money means that one is better than others. Then, Paul writes:
But as for you, man of God, shun all this; pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith; take hold of the eternal life, to which you were called and for which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses. 
"Fight the good fight" were words that one of my mentors and spiritual heroes, Pastor Bruce Schein, lived by. He wrote them on his messages to my fellow students and me when we were studying to become pastors at Trinity Lutheran Seminary in Columbus.

But these were more than mere words to Pastor Schein. They reflected his own commitment to living completely for Jesus, as well as being an exhortation to all who bear Jesus' Name through their Baptism to do the same.

Pastor Schein had a doctorate in New Testament from Yale University. But faith was more than head-knowledge for him. As a young man, he learned that he was suffering from Parkinson's Disease. He decided not to marry, but to use his considerable gifts as both a scholar and a pastor in total service to God and others. For twelve years, he served as pastor of a Lutheran congregation in Jerusalem, where most of his parishioners were Palestinians. It was a challenging ministry that, each day, called him to renew his commitment to service in Jesus' Name. At the same time, he would hike all over the Near Eastern countryside, introducing students from Saint Olaf College and other institutions to the geography, history, culture, and archeology of the Old and New Testaments. Later, he was called stateside to serve as professor at Trinity.

He was a challenging professor, expecting us to come to class each day prepared, ready to answer questions and to be pulled and stretched in our faith. Once, aware that others were critical of his interrogative style of teaching, I told him that I appreciated it, feeling as though all my faith muscles were being challenged by the process over which he presided. "Mr. Daniels," he told me, "we're out to make spiritual Charles Atlases of all of you!"

Shortly after I graduated from seminary and had taken my first call as a pastor, Pastor Schein became seriously ill, nearly dying. I spoke with him later. "I was in the throne room, Mr. Daniels," he said. "I put in a good word for you." He was still fighting the good fight of faith in Jesus until the end. He died several months later, at the age of 42, offering more service in Jesus' Name than most of us are likely to offer in lifetimes twice as long.

The idea behind Christian service such as we've rendered during this week's mission trip, isn't to call attention to ourselves, but to glorify the One Who gives everlasting life to all who believe in Him, Who empowers us to live in love for God and neighbor, and Who gives us the great privilege of being His ambassadors in the world.

To all our young people and adults who served this week, I pray that we all will keep fighting the good fight...keep serving and loving in Jesus' Name! Our Savior is worthy of all our honor, effort, sweat, and sacrifice and can use it to bring His love, goodness, and everlasting kingdom to the people we serve each day.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Throughout the week, I've been thanking our dedicated young people and our adult supervisors, and I thank them again. But today, I also want to thank those who allowed us to serve.

We human beings can sometimes be too proud to ask for help, interpreting such requests as a sign of weakness or personal inadequacy. Often, such reticence exemplifies our sinful natures trumping God's intentions for us as human beings. God made us, after all, to live in relationships of mutual dependence and accountability. The Ten Commandments demonstrate that God's will for humanity is that we live in relationships of love that include love of God and love of neighbor. Jesus later summarized these two tables of the Ten Commandments into what's known as the Great Commandment: to love God and to love others.

It's our failure to love that we typically confess each Sunday when we worship together, and it's for the power of the Holy Spirit to live in such love that we pray. But loving others isn't only impeded by our tendency to turn in on ourselves. In Galatians 6, Christians are told, "Bear one another's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."

The only way that can happen is when we are willing to make ourselves vulnerable enough to admit, "I could use some help." When the community of love is activated in this way and Jesus' servants act, not for themselves, but to the glory of Jesus, then something blessed and special happens. So, thank you to all those who allowed our young people to serve them this week!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Local Mission "Trip": Day 4

There was a lot of hammering, prying, leveraging, lifting, and lugging today on the fourth day of the Saint Matthew Lutheran Church local mission "trip."

We spent virtually our entire day at Cyndy's place, removing the siding from an old--undetermined age--tractor barn. Some of our group also helped remove and sort items from another storage barn.

Our young people worked hard and we were blessed to have great adult supervision from members of the Saint Matthew family.

The day brought the week's first mishaps. One of our young people obviously reacted adversely to something in the barn and was developing allergy symptoms when we sent him home. There were a few other bumps and bruises. But all in all, people were careful and we got a lot done.

We also made a short stop on the way back to the church building in the afternoon, back to the home of Michele, whose deck we treated yesterday. There were potted plants that needed re-placing. It was fun seeing the deck because it looked so good...our young people had done a great job!

The Scripture passages on which this morning's devotional time was based were from 2 Thessalonians, the second of two New Testament books written by the the first century evangelist, Paul, to Christians in the Greek city of Thessalonica:
...we hear that some of you are living in idleness, mere busybodies, not doing any work. Now such persons we command and exhort in the Lord Jesus Christ to do their work quietly and to earn their own living. Brothers and sisters, do not be weary in doing what is right. (2 Thessalonians 3:11-13)
Originally, Paul wrote these words to a confused church. Some of the Thessalonian Christians, knowing that the risen and ascended Jesus would come back to earth one day to fully establish his kingdom, had stopped working. They argued that it wasn't necessary to work since Jesus would come back soon. These lazy church members became a drain on the members who continued at their jobs, becoming dependent on them for food. They also became "busybodies," their days filled with gossip instead of productivity. Paul tells these idling Christians to get back to their work.

Above all, he says, "Do not grow weary in doing right." Loving and serving our neighbors as we've been doing this week is part of the "right" life that Jesus Christ sets us free to live. Christians who sit around on their "blessed assurance," can become busybodies, gossips, irksome pieces of furniture, rather than joyful people using their gifts and their opportunities to glorify God, share Jesus, and serve others.

By this time in a mission trip week, it's easy to be weary with doing what's right. But may God use this week to teach us all that, whether during a mission trip or everyday lives, it's always the right time to do God's will. May God also teach us this lesson from the Old Testament:
Even youths will faint and be weary, and the young will fall exhausted; but those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. (Isaiah 40:30-31)
Tomorrow, we plan to stain Betty's deck and then help prepare the Saint Matthew fellowship hall to host an Italian Dinner on Saturday. (You didn't know that German Lutherans are great at Italian cuisine?) Proceeds from the dinner will support youth and servanthood ministries--like this week's mission trip--at Saint Matthew.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Letteth these be two signs unto thee...


Come unto the Saint Matthew Lutheran Church Italian Dinner! (Click on the images to enlarge them.)

The fellowship hall of Saint Matthew Lutheran Church, 258 East Hunter Street, in Logan, will be the site of an Italian Dinner on Saturday, June 19, from Noon to 6:00pm. The cost of the dinner will be $6.50 per person.

Each dinner will include a salad, diner’s choice of spaghetti or lasagna, bread, a beverage, and a dessert.

Proceeds from the dinner will support the servanthood and youth ministries of Saint Matthew Lutheran Church.

Saint Matthew is known as the church with Noah’s Ark in the yard.

For more information, call the church office at 740 385 2272.

Pictures from Day 3 of the Saint Matthew Local Mission "Trip"

Thanks to Beth for snapping these pictures today!


(Mike, Jacob, Stephen, and Critter prepare to take a copier that has been long lying in state to be recycled.)


(Jean and Grace strike a pose while scrubbing the walls.)


(Brady and the old Lutheran in his clergy cap were part of a crew that scrubbed pews. By the end of the day, Brady concluded, "Gum is disgusting!")


(Laikyn taking care of some of the details of cleaning.)


(Kayla and Sarah scrubbing toys in the nursery.)

Local Mission "Trip": Day 3

In this is love, not that we loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins. (1 John 4:10)

We know love by this, that he laid down his life for us—and we ought to lay down our lives for one another.  (1 John 3:16)

These two verses were the passages around which the devotional time for Morning 3 of Saint Matthew Lutheran Church's local mission "trip" was built today.

These verses remind us of several important truths:
  • First: Love isn't about affection. (Though only those who truly love show true affection for others.) Love is self-sacrificing commitment to the good of others.
  • Second: Love isn't something we can generate on our own. It doesn't come from inside of us. It comes from God, the author of love, Whose greatest expression of love was the gift of the Son, Jesus. His death is the "atoning sacrifice for our sins." (The word atoning is a form of the word atone, a compound of "at" and "one." Jesus' death on the cross makes it possible for those who repent and believe in Jesus to be "at one," or reconciled, to God, a free gift from the author of love!)
  • Third: When, by faith in the grace of God given in Jesus, we're "at one" with God, God's love lives inside of us. It empowers us and motivates us to live like real human beings--the way God intended human beings to live--in relationships of love for God and others. We don't always feel love, but when Jesus is living inside of us, we can always live God's love...and be given forgiveness and renewal when we fail to love God or others.
This week's mission trip is an opportunity and a reminder to live God's love by serving others every day.

Today was, by far, the best day of the local mission "trip," so far. Pouring rains last night once more cast a shadow over our plans. But, we learned that when you can't serve in one way, there are still opportunities to serve in other ways.

AND...by the end of the day, we ended up getting a lot of what we had wanted to accomplish done anyway!

After devotions, prayer, and a delicious breakfast, we decided to get to work giving the Saint Matthew building facilities a major cleaning. Here's some of what got done:
  • The Luther Room dusted and Pine-Sol cleaned. The curtains were laundered, pressed, and re-hung. Two beautiful pieces of handmade furniture--bookcases--that were originally in the room were put back in there, making a great home for the new Bibles recently purchased by the Saint Matthew women's group.
  • The nursery was similarly scrubbed and dusted from top to bottom. All toys, books, and furniture were cleaned and anesthetized. Carpeting got a thorough sweeping.
  • Walls, windows, and ledges in the Fellowship Hall were thoroughly scrubbed. More of this will be done tomorrow.
  • The enormous east stairwell in the educational unit was meticulously cleaned, as was the hallway on that side of the building.
  • Office equipment and old curriculum materials were taken from the "library" to be recycled.
  • The altar rail in the sanctuary and every pew was scrubbed with Murphy's Oil Soap. One of our mission trippers even set to work to remove gum from the underside of the pews. At last report, every pew but one on the lectern side had at least one glob of gum stuck to it. That was less the case on the pulpit side. (Hmmm, maybe potential offenders have been concerned that Saint Matthew pastors over the past fifty years could spot them from the pulpit.) The whole sanctuary was then thoroughly swept, both with brooms and the vacuum cleaner.
  • The sewing supply closet was cleaned.
Once again today, we had troubles with the power washer and so made little progress prepping our church's Noah's Ark for repainting.

But, after all that productivity, with the reduced humidity and nice breezes we've had today, we were able to complete the treatment of two decks that several of our crews had power washed on Monday.

The first one, that of Tony, a Logan neighbor, was the largest of the decks we tackled this week. One of our adult supervisors told me today that he'd expected it to take all afternoon to get Tony's deck treated. But we took all of our youth to Tony's house. Two of our young people used sprayers; everybody else wielded rollers and paintbrushes. The job was beautifully done in about a half-hour!

Michele's smaller deck was done with a smaller crew in about the same amount of time.

Tomorrow, we hope to:
  • Go back to Michele's to place her potted plants back on the finished deck.
  • Stain Betty's two decks.
  • Take the siding off of Cyndy's tractor barn.
  • Do some additional cleaning at the church building.
Our young people have been fantastic!

Our adult help has been great!

The breakfasts and lunches have been wonderful!

And hopefully, in it all, the God of love we know in Jesus has been glorified!

Go here and here to see information about the first two days of our "trip."

By the way: The best thing about doing a local mission trip? Being able to get a shower every day! (Posts 1 and 2 about our Nashville mission trip of 2009, will explain what I'm talking about.)

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

God is Awesome to Me!

Just posted this over at Facebook:
This is the point in the week when, working on the Biblical text for the following Sunday, I become overwhelmed by its richness and profundity, then wonder, "Who am I, Lord? How can I do justice to Your Word this Sunday? How can I preach Law and Gospel to incite or deepen faith in Christ?" For me, every sermon is a miracle--even the ones in which I don't get it right. I truly am in awe of God!
This coming Sunday's text is Galatians 3:23-29.

"Swamp Jesus" Struck by Lightning, Destroyed

I never liked the thing. I'm glad nobody was hurt.

Two previous posts on what I always viewed as the "Jesus rising from the swamp" statue:
What Do You Think of the 42-Foot Faux-Marble Jesus?
O-H-I-O!