Tuesday, March 27, 2012

The War on My Ego

For decades now, I've prayed that God would make war on my ego.

And the thing is, I've almost meant it.

I don't mean to say that I've been insincere. But honestly, I like having things go my way.  I mean always. It's a desire I inherited from my ancestors, Adam and Eve, who wanted to "be like God."

So, what's so bad about an ambition like that. After all, we're told to dream big, right?

The reason for my prayer is simple: It's my non-empircal observation that, apart from unconquered diseases, roughly one-third of the world's problems (more or less) are caused by people with inflated egos, another one-third (more or less) by people with low self-esteem, and the other third (or way more) caused by people whose self-images wildly careen between these two poles, depending on how they're feeling, what's happened to them, or if they won the lottery the night before.

I don't want to be a problem-causer in the world. (The world has enough problems, doesn't it?) Besides, who needs the drama?

More than that though, I don't want my ego issues to obstruct my view of the only one with a right to be an egomaniac but who never has been one: the God revealed in Jesus Christ.

I want to see myself as I am: a child of God for whom God took on flesh, went to a cross, died, and rose again to give me a new and everlasting life.

In my soul's darkest places, my ego wants to prove that I'm more important than anyone else, wittier, smarter, abler, more informed, the best husband, the best father. But God has shown me that sort of thinking leads away from life, happiness, or joy...away from God.

So, in my heart of hearts, where God's law is written, I want to be humble. I honestly believe, as someone has said, that humility isn't thinking less of yourself; it's thinking less about yourself.

Humility leaves room for God and for others in our hearts. And that's something I want very much.

So tonight, in spite of my inborn resistance to it, I'm asking God to once again tomorrow make war on my ego. And the thing about this war is that no matter how much I may moan or complain about the work that God does in response to my prayer is that, when I lose, I win!

No comments: