Proverbs 22:6
Mark 9:14-27
Elizabeth Achtemeier was a Presbyterian Bible scholar. She was a brilliant, accomplished woman whose work I often consult when preparing my messages. While studying for her doctorate, her life busy with research and writing, not to mention being two-months pregnant, Achtemeier’s advisor told her something she never forgot: “Betty, if you don’t do a good job with your children, you haven’t done anything.”
Not all people are called to parenthood, of course. But if you are a parent, this wise advisor was saying, if you fail at that, you’ve failed at your life’s most important work.
It’s good advice. The Bible teaches that parenting is the most critical task in the world. Martin Luther was fond of saying that not even kings were as important as parents. Parents have an impact that lasts for generations, for good and for ill.
Last week, we began this short series by saying that the purpose of parenting is simple: To prepare children for responsible adulthood.
And we pointed out that the most important element in that preparation is to share the God we meet through Jesus Christ with them. When kids enter adulthood with a faith in Christ that’s been nurtured in them by their parents, they’re ready to face anything that life and eternity may bring to them.
Today, I want to talk about a few additional elements that the Bible teaches parents will want to use in launching their children toward responsible adulthood.
Our second Bible lesson for today is one about which I’ve spoken many times through the years. I’ve usually done so in connection with prayer. In it, a man makes a desperate request of Jesus, asking the Lord to rid his son of the demon that had overtaken his life, turning him into someone else.
“Please, Lord,” the father cries, “if You are able, help my son.” Jesus asks: “If you are able? Don’t you know that you just need to trust in Me, believe in Me?” The father says, “I do believe, Lord. Only, help my unbelief.” That man’s prayer to Jesus was answered, not because he had lots of faith, but because he had what he admitted was only a little faith in a big God!
So, this passage does teach us about how God hears our prayers even when we’re hanging onto faith by a thread. But there’s something else going on in this passage, something that relates directly to this business of parenting.
When I was just getting my start in elementary school, interested only in what I was interested in and inattentive to everything else, my Mother attended a conference with my teacher. The teacher talked about the difficulties I was having and suggested that maybe, I was mentally retarded. Now, there is no disgrace associated with mental retardation. But my mother knew that while I may have been lazy, or defiant, or not hot-wired for things like Math, I was capable of learning. Mom was roused like a pole cat and that teacher never again made such a suggestion.
You see, my Mom, like the father who implored Jesus to cast the demon from his son, was an advocate for her child. No parent should ever have a blind eye toward their kids’ faults, of course. We are all born sinners and that includes every child. I've often said that if you want confirmation of the Christian doctrine of Original Sin, all you have to do is put two six-month old babies in a locked room with a single toy. They'll both be looking out for Number One and nobody will need to teach them to do it. There will be plenty of times when parents will need to rein in their kids, discipline them, and tell them, “No.” But this can be a tough world for kids. Because of that, Paul writes in the New Testament, “Fathers, do not provoke your children, or they may lose heart.” Parents need to be advocates for their kids.
But parents need to display another element of love for their children. Parents need to discipline their children.
There are three main reasons kid need discipline. One is that, according to the Bible, we human beings are created in the image of God. Whatever else that phrase means, it must say that you and I are born with infinite appetites. Those appetites are distorted by sin, to be sure. But those infinite appetites are still there. We’re born wanting to do everything, be everything, conquer everything.
This can be good. It can lead us to try things we might otherwise be too timid to attempt. But such appetites aren't good when kids take it into their heads to do something like I tried when I was about six years old. Ever the persuader, I’d convinced all the kids in my neighborhood that we should take our pedal cars, bicycles, tricycles, wagons, and scooters the fifty miles from our neighborhood in Columbus up to my grandparents’ house in Bellefontaine, Ohio. I knew th way, I told them. Getting there would be a cinch.
My Mother put a halt to this little conspiracy just as I, pedaling my red fire truck, began to lead a procession of neighborhood kids down the middle of our street, Thomas Avenue, in Columbus' Bottoms area.
Discipline lets kids know that there are appropriate limits to what they can do at various points in their lives.
Another important reason for discipline is that it lets children know that there are certain moral limits beyond which it’s unwise to go. Once, years ago, I stood behind a woman in line at Biggs. Her daughter, all of three years old, kept screaming for the mom to do this or that, to give her this or that. It was obvious who the real boss of the family was. Mom was like a puppet on a string. She complained about how “fussy” and “bossy” her child was, but she complied with every screaming, whining request!
Elizabeth Achtemeier once wrote: “Some parents perversely believe that they are honoring their children’s personalities if they do not impose their views and values in any way on them. What they are really doing is abandoning their children to a world without structure, without meaning, without limits.”
Kids need to know that the universe doesn’t revolve around them, that they share the world with others. Disciplining their children to understand this reality is, for parents, a moral imperative!
Another important reason for parents to discipline their children is that it sets patterns for them. From discipline imposed, self-discipline is appropriated.
Baseball’s Iron Man was Cal Ripken, who played in more consecutive games than anyone in history. But being a good parent has always been more important to Ripken than his Hall of Fame career. He often asked his former Oriole teammate, Tim Hulett, who Ripken regards as “the best dad I’ve ever known,” for some parenting tips. One conversation is especially etched in Ripken’s memory. “Your little ones are blank tapes,” Hulett said, “constantly running and recording information. Whose information do you want on that tape? Yours or somebody else’s?”
“Train children in the right way,” our Bible lesson from Proverbs says, “and when old, they will not stray.” Discipline is one important way responsible parents get their information on their kids’ blank tapes. None of this justifies an abusive parenting style, of course. But proper discipline is an act of love that kids need and sometimes want.
So, parents need to be advocates for their children. They need to discipline their children. Finally, parents need to do something else for their kids, something I’ve already touched on. They need to pray for their kids.
I once was visiting a man from my former parish. All of his children were grown and married. One of his children was going through a tough time. It was obvious that this man was in agony for his son. “I never thought I’d worry so much about them at this stage of their lives,” he said. “When I think about how desperately I prayed for them every night when they were teens and in their early twenties, asking God to protect them from drugs and all the other bad stuff in the world, I didn’t think I’d still be praying so hard for them.”
There’s only so much parents can do for their kids. We parents have to let our children tumble and fall off their bikes; see them face the slings and arrows of outrageous adolescence; bite our tongues while they kiss frogs in search of Prince Charming or Miss Right; and always we must be willing--as every good parent must-- to endure being unpopular with our kids when we take a stand for what’s right or when we rightly demand their respect.
But even if the lines of communication with kids become clogged with misunderstanding or mutual suspicion, all parents have access to a 911 operator and the Person on the other end of the line is always willing and able to help. We can talk with the God we meet in Jesus Christ.
That’s exactly what the man in our lesson from the Gospel of Mark did. He cried out to the Lord, though his faith was tiny, and sought the help of the big, loving God Who wrote His love large with a cross and an empty tomb.
Parenting is a huge job and the person who dares to do it without the help of God is pointblank, foolish.
But the parent who tackles their awesome responsiblities by daily laying their lives and their kids before God and His help are the wisest people in the world, no matter how stupid or silly kids may think them to be from time to time.
Parenting is a great responsibility and an enormous privilege. Positive, godly parenting consists...
- of introducing children to the God revealed in the crucified and risen Jesus;
- of parents being advocates for their children;
- of parents who provide their children with discipline; and
- of parents recognizing the limits of their abilities and the extent of God’s compassion, and so, praying for their children constantly.
