Living in An Unfair World

On Sunday, I presented a sermon on Matthew 20:1-16, in which I said that God isn't fair, but gracious. If God were fair, judging us according to what we deserve, none of us would merit His forgiveness.

Or the opportunity to know God's love given in Christ.

Or the chance to spend eternity with God.

We could never be part of God's kingdom.

That's why, Jesus shows in the parable contained in those verses, we should never begrudge the forgiveness and patience God gives to others. He grades the lives of repentant believers in Christ on the same grace curve He employs with all repentant believers in Christ. Only Jesus Christ makes it possible for the human race to experience the unfairness of God's grace and favor and eternity.

But there's another sense in which God may seem unfair and, to tell you the truth, after nearly thirty-five years as a Christian and almost thirty years as a pastor, I can't explain it away. Only try to deal with it.

I'm talking about the seeming unfairness God allows to be visited on those who experience horrible tragedy, despite their faithfulness to Him. Despite their prayers. Despite their desire to live for God and to put God first in their lives.

Their loved ones die too early. Or suffer over long years of pain.

Their grown children turn from parents, God, and the values they've been taught from birth, seeming to mock the words of Proverbs 22:6. ("Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.")


Their marriages become battle zones or somber theaters of quiet sadness and resignation and some Christians in these circumstances feel themselves "trapped" by promises made to God and their mates, although their mates have proven to be far from the loving, committed people they promised they would be.

Their friendships die under the weight of life's numerous obligations and accelerated mobility.

Their careers abruptly end as corporations downsize, relocate, or seek ways to cut their costs.

I don't know why God, Who I have seen intervene in many circumstances that were, from every rational, empirical perspective, completely hopeless, doesn't choose to intervene in more situations. It doesn't seem fair.

I don't have any answers. And it would be presumptuous for me to think that I do.

When Job, in the Old Testament, challenged God to tell him why he, a man whose faith and virtue God Himself had bragged about, had lost all his children, all his property, and all his livestock (and heard his wife advise him to throw in the towel: "Just curse God and die."), God ended up telling Him, in essence: "It is what it is. You wouldn't understand it if I explained it to you."

God didn't deny the unfairness to which Job was subjected. And the unfairness seems to continue. And it can't be explained.

But I am comforted (sometimes) by the following thoughts. Maybe they'll help you too.

First: When we trust in Jesus Christ, we never experience unfairness alone. (Though it can seem that way.)

No one has suffered greater unfairness than Jesus Christ. True God and true man, Jesus was sinless. Yet He suffered and endured a horrible death. He did it voluntarily so that a perfect human being could bear the guilt of us all, killing the power of death over all who turn from their own sins and believe in Him.

Through that act of love and empathy, we can be certain, God gets unfairness. He's been on the receiving end. And this is the God Who promises, "I will be with you always."

Second: It's OK to get mad at God for the unfairness of things. The supposedly patient Job was so angry at the unfairness to which he'd been subjected that he challenged God to a kind of trial in which both would present their cases. Though God ultimately put Job "in his place," He didn't withhold His love or grace from Job for being angry.

You never get mad at a God you don't believe is there. Anger at God is never displayed by an atheist (at least not consciously). Only people who believe in God get mad at God.

God is a good listener. And as long as you're talking to God, even if your words and sentiments are filled with anger at Him. you're giving Him access to your life, an invitation to bring you His peace in the midst of your storms. Romans 8:26-27 says: "...we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints [saints are what the Bible calls repentant believers in Christ] according to the will of God."

Third: When we suffer life's unfairness, we find ourselves equipped to listen to, pray for, and befriend other people, Christians and others, who have experienced that same unfairness. We can, if we allow God's Spirit to soften our hearts, become the empathetic hand and voice of Christ for those whose hurts we more clearly understand because we ourselves have "been there."

A friend of mine has suffered many losses, losses so unfair that I have complained to God about it more than once. She doesn't claim to have made sense of any of it or to not sometimes feeling God has been unfair. But she makes a point of reaching out to others suffering at the hands of life's unfairness. It's become a ministry from God for her and she doesn't really understand how powerful it is.

Fourth: This world is and will remain unfair to all people until the day Christ returns. It's part of the landscape of earthly experience. The universe groans under the weight of sin, death, and darkness. That's why good news of any kind--a kid volunteering at a homeless shelter, a billionaire spending millions to educate young people, a priest starting a community garden that feeds poor people and gives others a sense of purpose--comes as such a surprise to us. We live in a bad news world.

In our bones, we know that we can never count on this world to be fair or to make sense. Especially for those who know the gracious, loving God of the world Who has come to us in Christ. We know that all have been made for more and that only in eternity will we experience all for which we were made.

When our time on earth is done, we can count on God to treat all who have endured in following Christ to the ultimate unfairness: A life of perfect peace, joy, and purpose lived with God and all the saints for all eternity.

That truth, that secure promise, ultimately, is the only thing that enables me to plunge into each day with hope and purpose while living in this unfair world.

Positive Parenting: Advocacy, Discipline, and Prayer

[This message was shared with the people of Friendship Lutheran Church of Amelia, Ohio, during its worship celebration on July 29, 2007. Ordinarily, our Bible lessons are based on the lectionary--the Bible lesson plan--appointed for the Lutheran Church. But this summer and fall, in the weeks after Pentecost, we're looking at important issues for everyday Christian living. If you live in or are visiting the Cincinnati area, you're invited to worship with us. We get together at 10:00AM on Sundays.]

Proverbs 22:6
Mark 9:14-27

Elizabeth Achtemeier was a Presbyterian Bible scholar. She was a brilliant, accomplished woman whose work I often consult when preparing my messages. While studying for her doctorate, her life busy with research and writing, not to mention being two-months pregnant, Achtemeier’s advisor told her something she never forgot: “Betty, if you don’t do a good job with your children, you haven’t done anything.”

Not all people are called to parenthood, of course. But if you are a parent, this wise advisor was saying, if you fail at that, you’ve failed at your life’s most important work.

It’s good advice. The Bible teaches that parenting is the most critical task in the world. Martin Luther was fond of saying that not even kings were as important as parents. Parents have an impact that lasts for generations, for good and for ill.

Last week, we began this short series by saying that the purpose of parenting is simple: To prepare children for responsible adulthood.

And we pointed out that the most important element in that preparation is to share the God we meet through Jesus Christ with them. When kids enter adulthood with a faith in Christ that’s been nurtured in them by their parents, they’re ready to face anything that life and eternity may bring to them.

Today, I want to talk about a few additional elements that the Bible teaches parents will want to use in launching their children toward responsible adulthood.

Our second Bible lesson for today is one about which I’ve spoken many times through the years. I’ve usually done so in connection with prayer. In it, a man makes a desperate request of Jesus, asking the Lord to rid his son of the demon that had overtaken his life, turning him into someone else.

“Please, Lord,” the father cries, “if You are able, help my son.” Jesus asks: “If you are able? Don’t you know that you just need to trust in Me, believe in Me?” The father says, “I do believe, Lord. Only, help my unbelief.” That man’s prayer to Jesus was answered, not because he had lots of faith, but because he had what he admitted was only a little faith in a big God!

So, this passage does teach us about how God hears our prayers even when we’re hanging onto faith by a thread. But there’s something else going on in this passage, something that relates directly to this business of parenting.

When I was just getting my start in elementary school, interested only in what I was interested in and inattentive to everything else, my Mother attended a conference with my teacher. The teacher talked about the difficulties I was having and suggested that maybe, I was mentally retarded. Now, there is no disgrace associated with mental retardation. But my mother knew that while I may have been lazy, or defiant, or not hot-wired for things like Math, I was capable of learning. Mom was roused like a pole cat and that teacher never again made such a suggestion.

You see, my Mom, like the father who implored Jesus to cast the demon from his son, was an advocate for her child. No parent should ever have a blind eye toward their kids’ faults, of course. We are all born sinners and that includes every child. I've often said that if you want confirmation of the Christian doctrine of Original Sin, all you have to do is put two six-month old babies in a locked room with a single toy. They'll both be looking out for Number One and nobody will need to teach them to do it. There will be plenty of times when parents will need to rein in their kids, discipline them, and tell them, “No.” But this can be a tough world for kids. Because of that, Paul writes in the New Testament, “Fathers, do not provoke your children, or they may lose heart.” Parents need to be advocates for their kids.

But parents need to display another element of love for their children. Parents need to discipline their children.

There are three main reasons kid need discipline. One is that, according to the Bible, we human beings are created in the image of God. Whatever else that phrase means, it must say that you and I are born with infinite appetites. Those appetites are distorted by sin, to be sure. But those infinite appetites are still there. We’re born wanting to do everything, be everything, conquer everything.

This can be good. It can lead us to try things we might otherwise be too timid to attempt. But such appetites aren't good when kids take it into their heads to do something like I tried when I was about six years old. Ever the persuader, I’d convinced all the kids in my neighborhood that we should take our pedal cars, bicycles, tricycles, wagons, and scooters the fifty miles from our neighborhood in Columbus up to my grandparents’ house in Bellefontaine, Ohio. I knew th way, I told them. Getting there would be a cinch.

My Mother put a halt to this little conspiracy just as I, pedaling my red fire truck, began to lead a procession of neighborhood kids down the middle of our street, Thomas Avenue, in Columbus' Bottoms area.

Discipline lets kids know that there are appropriate limits to what they can do at various points in their lives.

Another important reason for discipline is that it lets children know that there are certain moral limits beyond which it’s unwise to go. Once, years ago, I stood behind a woman in line at Biggs. Her daughter, all of three years old, kept screaming for the mom to do this or that, to give her this or that. It was obvious who the real boss of the family was. Mom was like a puppet on a string. She complained about how “fussy” and “bossy” her child was, but she complied with every screaming, whining request!

Elizabeth Achtemeier once wrote: “Some parents perversely believe that they are honoring their children’s personalities if they do not impose their views and values in any way on them. What they are really doing is abandoning their children to a world without structure, without meaning, without limits.”

Kids need to know that the universe doesn’t revolve around them, that they share the world with others. Disciplining their children to understand this reality is, for parents, a moral imperative!

Another important reason for parents to discipline their children is that it sets patterns for them. From discipline imposed, self-discipline is appropriated.

Baseball’s Iron Man was Cal Ripken, who played in more consecutive games than anyone in history. But being a good parent has always been more important to Ripken than his Hall of Fame career. He often asked his former Oriole teammate, Tim Hulett, who Ripken regards as “the best dad I’ve ever known,” for some parenting tips. One conversation is especially etched in Ripken’s memory. “Your little ones are blank tapes,” Hulett said, “constantly running and recording information. Whose information do you want on that tape? Yours or somebody else’s?”

“Train children in the right way,” our Bible lesson from Proverbs says, “and when old, they will not stray.” Discipline is one important way responsible parents get their information on their kids’ blank tapes. None of this justifies an abusive parenting style, of course. But proper discipline is an act of love that kids need and sometimes want.

So, parents need to be advocates for their children. They need to discipline their children. Finally, parents need to do something else for their kids, something I’ve already touched on. They need to pray for their kids.

I once was visiting a man from my former parish. All of his children were grown and married. One of his children was going through a tough time. It was obvious that this man was in agony for his son. “I never thought I’d worry so much about them at this stage of their lives,” he said. “When I think about how desperately I prayed for them every night when they were teens and in their early twenties, asking God to protect them from drugs and all the other bad stuff in the world, I didn’t think I’d still be praying so hard for them.”

There’s only so much parents can do for their kids. We parents have to let our children tumble and fall off their bikes; see them face the slings and arrows of outrageous adolescence; bite our tongues while they kiss frogs in search of Prince Charming or Miss Right; and always we must be willing--as every good parent must-- to endure being unpopular with our kids when we take a stand for what’s right or when we rightly demand their respect.

But even if the lines of communication with kids become clogged with misunderstanding or mutual suspicion, all parents have access to a 911 operator and the Person on the other end of the line is always willing and able to help. We can talk with the God we meet in Jesus Christ.

That’s exactly what the man in our lesson from the Gospel of Mark did. He cried out to the Lord, though his faith was tiny, and sought the help of the big, loving God Who wrote His love large with a cross and an empty tomb.

Parenting is a huge job and the person who dares to do it without the help of God is pointblank, foolish.

But the parent who tackles their awesome responsiblities by daily laying their lives and their kids before God and His help are the wisest people in the world, no matter how stupid or silly kids may think them to be from time to time.

Parenting is a great responsibility and an enormous privilege. Positive, godly parenting consists...

• of introducing children to the God revealed in the crucified and risen Jesus;
• of parents being advocates for their children;
• of parents who provide their children with discipline; and
• of parents recognizing the limits of their abilities and the extent of God’s compassion, and so, praying for their children constantly.

Parents make mistakes. I know that I have. So has my wife. (She often jokes that she fully expects one day that one of our kids will write a best-selling book, Mommy Dearest, Part 2.) But I truly believe that if these four basic elements of good parenting are parents’ highest priorities, they will do the most important job in the world in a manner that will one day, when they stand before the Lord, warrant His words, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

Brief Look at Sunday's Bible Lessons

On Sunday, at Friendship Lutheran Church, where I pastor, we conclude a series called Positive Parenting. Ordinarily, as regular readers of Better Living know, we use an appointed Bible reading as our lesson. But in the Sundays after Pentecost, I like to explore important topics. The idea is to help the people of the congregation--and me--to look at how we can live out our faith in life's everyday places. This is consistent with the meaning of the Pentecost Season, traditionally devoted to looking at the implications of faith in the risen Jesus Christ.

At Friendship, we'll be using two Bible lessons on Sunday. First, Proverbs 22:6:

Train children in the right way, and when old, they will not stray.

Second, Mark 9:14-27:

14When they came to the disciples, they saw a great crowd around them, and some scribes arguing with them. 15When the whole crowd saw him, they were immediately overcome with awe, and they ran forward to greet him. 16He asked them, “What are you arguing about with them?” 17Someone from the crowd answered him, “Teacher, I brought you my son; he has a spirit that makes him unable to speak; 18and whenever it seizes him, it dashes him down; and he foams and grinds his teeth and becomes rigid; and I asked your disciples to cast it out, but they could not do so.” 19He answered them, “You faithless generation, how much longer must I be among you? How much longer must I put up with you? Bring him to me.” 20And they brought the boy to him. When the spirit saw him, immediately it convulsed the boy, and he fell on the ground and rolled about, foaming at the mouth. 21Jesus asked the father, “How long has this been happening to him?” And he said, “From childhood. 22It has often cast him into the fire and into the water, to destroy him; but if you are able to do anything, have pity on us and help us.” 23Jesus said to him, “If you are able! —All things can be done for the one who believes.” 24Immediately the father of the child cried out, “I believe; help my unbelief!” 25When Jesus saw that a crowd came running together, he rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it, “You spirit that keeps this boy from speaking and hearing, I command you, come out of him, and never enter him again!” 26After crying out and convulsing him terribly, it came out, and the boy was like a corpse, so that most of them said, “He is dead.” 27But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him up, and he was able to stand.

A Few Comments:
1. The book of Proverbs purports to be a series of wisdom statements given by God to Solomon, ancient Israel's third king. (In terms of military, economic, and political power, Solomon was the nation's greatest king.)

2. In 1 Kings 3, we're told that God appeared to Solomon in a dream and told the earnest young man to ask of God anything he wanted. Solomon could have asked for wealth, power, sexual conquests, or anything. But he asked God for wisdom, the capacity to know right from wrong. At this, we're told:

It pleased the Lord that Solomon had asked this. God said to him, “Because you have asked this, and have not asked for yourself long life or riches, or for the life of your enemies, but have asked for yourself understanding to discern what is right, I now do according to your word. Indeed I give you a wise and discerning mind; no one like you has been before you and no one like you shall arise after you. I give you also what you have not asked, both riches and honor all your life; no other king shall compare with you. If you will walk in my ways, keeping my statutes and my commandments, as your father David walked, then I will lengthen your life.” (1 Kings 3:10-14)

Proverbs represents part of God's answer to Solomon's petition for wisdom. The tragedy of Solomon is that in spite of a strong start, he became a spiritual disaster. He used his power and all the blessings God afforded him in selfish pursuits. He countenanced the worship of foreign gods. After his death, Israel split in two, never to be reunited.

3. The "promise" of this passage from Proverbs shouldn't be read in a mechanistic way. Just because parents expose their children to Jesus Christ and to God's values doesn't ensure that they will embrace faith in Christ or a life style of daily repentance and renewal. But when the foundation of faith is laid in children when they're young, the prospects of their returning to God even after they have strayed is stronger.

4. The Mark passage is, I suppose, mostly about faith. First, it's about the faith--or lack of faith--of Jesus' disciples who fail to even pray for the demon-possessed boy. Lacking confidence that God could or would do anything, they don't even dare prayer.

But it's also about the faith--and the faithlessness--of the boy's father. His words to Jesus, which are really a prayer, are among the most poignant in all Scripture: “I believe; help my unbelief!”

The final word on faith comes from Jesus here. He assures the father that no one needs a large faith, only a little faith in a large God.

5. But there's something else in this passage which interests me and which I will address on Sunday.