The Need for Friendships

One reason I decided to name the congregation I serve as pastor Friendship Lutheran Church, was a conversation I had with a man shortly after I'd arrived to start the church. He was a personable guy, a deeply committed Christian, and someone who had served in churches in every place he'd lived. After I'd talked about how churches ought to be communities in which people discover relationships with Jesus Christ and with others, he turned to his wife and said, "You know, I really don't have any friends."

Recent news stories suggest that we all, on average, have fewer and fewer friends.

One reason for this sad state of things, Jan of The View from Her says, might be that we have so elevated the value of sexuality that friendship has become devalued. Jan writes of the recent rumors about talk show host Oprah Winfrey and her friend, Gayle King:

this sort of thing sends me from zero to infuriated in 2.5 seconds flat. We live in a culture that values and measures relationships only by their sexuality. In doing so, we've eliminated the many deep and nuanced meanings of the word "love"...

...we've lost all knowledge or awareness of the "high" concept of love, or the classic idea of Love, or of Beauty. David loved Jonathan so much it says they were one in spirit. I presume this might mean they were completely single-minded in their thoughts and feelings and and in total agreement about things they liked to do. Men especially suffer in today's culture, as it seems a close, loving friendship will always be suspect.

Read the whole insightful thing.

I once knew a doctoral student in Psychology who was doing his thesis on where people turned for help and counsel when they hit snags in their lives. His research showed that those who had a strong network of friends to whom they could turn experienced far greater and more rapid "healing," as self-reported, than those who relied solely on professional counselors. This isn't to say that counselors aren't doing useful, even essential work. They are. But strong friendships act as strong preventative medicine, often negating the need for consulting counseling pros.

A few days ago, I was chatting with someone about my twenty-two years experience as a pastor. The first six were spent in a tight-knit farming community in northwestern Ohio, the last sixteen in a suburban Cincinnati community. One observation I made immediately about my current setting in contrast with the former, was that back there, even people who would be ignored and marginalized here, had caring friends whose love, concern, and acceptance wore the jagged edges off of what could only be described as weirdness.

In tight-knit communities, people who are ignored in our suburban or urban environments, feel included and are thereby less likely to develop emotional or psychological problems. When they do develop such problems, they're more likely to enjoy the support of a strong network of family and friends.

Jesus' command that we love God and love neighbor is an invitation to forge strong relationships and to even, dare I say it, love our friends. And when two women (or two men) love each other, it doesn't necessarily mean that they're gay, in spite of our hypersexualized society's inaccurate and relationship-killing assumptions. It may only mean that they're friends...and therefore, healthy.

[Read what Pastor Jeff at Conblogeration has to say about this same story here. Thanks also to XWL, whose comment led me to Jeff's excellent insights.]