[UPDATE, added August 26, 2007: Something I meant to include in this post originally was a mention of my initial reaction to this tragedy, which was a rush to judgment. But as I read and heard more details, I felt very wrong about that. A good lesson for me in this is to always get my facts straight before forming an opinion.]
In conversations I've had by email, telephone, and face-to-face today, people have described Brenda Nesselroad-Slaby as a great person. A competent, caring educator. An accomplished musician who played piano at her church. A loving mother.
While I've never met Nesselroad-Slaby, those who've told me these things about her are all people for whom I have the deepest respect.
Nonetheless, the assistant principal of Glen Este Middle School here in our community, Nesselroad-Slaby has been villified over the past few days on local message boards, radio call-in shows, and at the proverbial workplace water coolers.
On Thursday, Cecilia Slaby, her two year old daughter, died in the Glen Este parking lot. It happened as she sat, strapped into her car seat in her mother's car. Cecilia may have been there for eight hours, as her mother did her job. With temperatures rising to 100-degrees here in the Cincinnati area that day, it's no wonder that Cecilia died. It's a horrible tragedy!
In fact, "accident" is exactly how our Clermont County prosecutor, Don White, a man who is tough on crime, has described the tragedy. He has indicated that while some charge may be filed, he has little thought that either parent intentionally caused the death of their child. Both Nesselroad-Slaby and her husband have been cooperative with authorities and teachers and school administrators on the scene when Cecilia was found describe a mother who was clearly distraught, hysterical with grief.
Over the past few days, local media reports have taught our community that about thirty such deaths occur in the US every year. Often, they happen in the households of busy two-income families where a sleeping child may be in the car seat of a parent who thinks it's not their "day" to take the little one to child care. Prelimimary indications are that that's what happened with Cecilia.
But some in our community are skeptical, others downright hostile, certain that Cecilia was murdered.
I suppose that, to some extent, the suspicions are understandable. Less than a half-mile from the Glen Este parking lot where Cecilia died, foster child Marcus Feisel lost his life.* Marcus, readers of this blog will remember, was wrapped in duct tape and thrown into a closet by his foster parents and their live-in lover. While the three spent several days in Kentucky at a family reunion, Marcus died. Two of the conspirators took his body and incinerated it, while a third told police and the media that the child had gone missing in a local park. Hundreds of community volunteers joined law enforcement officials in searching for Marcus. When the story of what really happened came out, all of us in the community wanted justice to be served. We also developed an acute sensitivity to the vulnerability of children.
With the memory of Marcus so fresh, particularly for those of us who live in the West Clermont Local School District where these events have happened, some skepticism about the circumstances of Cecilia Slaby's death was bound to surface.
But others refuse to even entertain the idea she was the victim of a terrible accident. "I think the parents did it on purpose," one co-worker told a friend of mine on Friday. I'm told that the West Clermont board offices were flooded with telephone calls from people who have already charged, convicted, and hanged Cecilia's parents.
I suspect that some of these reactions stem from something other than a desire to protect children. Among some people, guilty-until-proven-innocent seems to be the prevailing attitude. Their hearts are cold with sin.
I believe that a relationship with Jesus Christ, based on grace and not legalism, changes the way we think about our lives and the world. Our sin inclines us to violate God's command to not bear false witness which, as explained in Martin Luther's Small Catechism calls us also to "put the most charitable construction" on the actions of our neighbors. Jesus Christ, Who died for sinners--that's the whole human race--helps us to be more charitable and less judgmental.
I highly doubt that Cecilia Slaby was the victim of murder. If her parents had wanted to take the little one's life, they could have hatched a more resourceful plot, one that would draw attention away from themselves. Simply leaving Cecilia in her mother's parked car at her place of work is an unlikely way for two intelligent people wanting to get away with murder to go about it.
It looks like an accident to me and that those who are crucifying Cecilia's parents are not just jumping to conclusions, but assassinating their characters. Cecilia's death makes me sad. So does the rush to judgment some are making.
*Marcus Feisel died five-hundred yards from where I live. Our two children attended Glen Este Middle School, but years before Nesselroad-Slaby began working there.
7 comments:
Thank you for posting this, Mark. We have already had 2 or 3 such cases here in Tucson this summer. It certainly can be a case of neglect, but I'm convinced that most of these terrible deaths occur because the responsible adult loses focus at a critical point and just forgets that the child is there. It happens to us all in so many trivial ways -- putting down the cell phone and then forgetting where we've laid it, for instance. Unfortunately, the results are tragic when a child is involved.
Last week a local sheriff's deputy came home after doing a double shift and went to bed, forgetting that he'd left his police dog in the back of his department SUV. Eight hours later he discovered the dog dead from the heat.
Let's hope the community extends grace to this woman in her time of grief.
I live near here and feel so sorry for the family and deeply bothered by the lack of compassion here.
It is sad in our times that people are so incredibly quick to pass judgment on others. It is also unfathomable that Cecilia's mother forgot her all day, not crossing her mind to jolt her memory. Truly, our lives are spent in such a hurried way that we rarely manage to notice what is before us in the moment, thinking always ahead, to the next task or responsibility. We find ourselves rushing through moments of the day, not able to remember what we did yesterday, or even what day it is. I have done this too. I once forgot one of my young children at home as we all piled into the car to go out. A few minutes later, as I did the head count, I realized someone was missing and had to turn around and get home to find her. As incredible as it sounds, it is easy to do.
Can we not remember to be compassionate? To give to someone else the very least of what we ourselves would need in such a tragic and desperate moment? Try to consider the depth of her pain and sorrow, and her husband's, and her family and friends. She will suffer all the days of her life with remorse, sorrow, and pain. You may not understand when I say this, but, the child suffered terribly for a short time before her body succumbed to the heat and her soul was free, but Cecilia’s mother will suffer indefinitely. She will suffer in so many ways, but most difficult for her will be the punishment and guilt she lays upon herself.
PS. I also live in this area, my kids attend school at Glen Este, and there are those who can be compassionate and understanding. Unfortunately, many are more willing to throw rocks, make accusations and assumptions. Compassion and grace are usually more quiet.
Thank you for what you said. I only heard about this today when the mother was not prosecuted. At first my reaction was of horror and condemnation for the mother for such negligence. The story was especially poignant for me as I have recently lost one of my twin boys who only lived to be 2 months old. I kept blaming the mother for being so careless with her own child that God had blessed her with! But I see now that even if she was reckless or negligent, her pain at causing the death of her child must be so profound. And I can very much relate to how it feels like to lose a child. I still believe that there should have been some sort of charge for neglect, but I now can empathize with her in her grief and temper my sense of justice with mercy and compassion.
As much as I'd like to extend my empathy to Brenda Slaby, the slow and painful death of her daughter was due to her own neglect. While I'm not advocating the death penalty in this instance, I AM advocating justice be served. An accident is something that happens once without a prior established pattern. Slaby, however, has been warned several times NOT to leave her children unattended in her car, which she has done several times before. This is clearly a documented case of neglect. I clearly don't believe the parents murdered their child, however, the carlessness displayed resulted in a death. Surely this, in it of itself, warrants some kind of legal recourse, don't you think?
While I do not subscibe to your religious beliefs even though my parents were catholics, and I went to catholic school for 12 years. I cannot imagine why marcus feisel died the way he died. There is something that really sounds artificle, for want of a better word, to describe the death of Marcus. The reason it sounds artificial is that no one asked why someone would do it the way they did if they were only interested in merdering a child. It sounds to me like they were carrying out so sort of ritual.
I had a t-shirt made with the picture that appeared in the Enquirer, with the words "who is this" on the t-shirt.
Another question I have is regarding one of the radio talk shows that was supposedly dedicated to Marcus Feisel death
that aired just after Ms Carroll confessed to the crime. The show that allowed residents of cincinnati to call in only talked about the parents being, excuse the word "faggots", and for that reason they could collect more from children's services
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