Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Insecurity and Egotism

“Insecurity results from egotism,” someone wrote on Twitter recently.

That single sentence so jarred me the moment I read it that I neither responded to nor noted the name of the writer. The words have made me think and I’ve concluded that while insecurity may have many sources, personal vanity is definitely one of them.

Taking myself as a test case, I know that many of my insecurities—whether over talking too much, saying the wrong things, getting a sermon or project I’m planning just “right,” meeting new people, wondering whether I’ve worked hard enough each day, or, very specifically, going to my fortieth high school reunion as I did several weeks ago—are born of a desire to make the “right” impressions on people, to be seen as competent and proficient and a “good guy,” to please people, to be esteemed.

How stupid of me!

As a Christian, I believe that, through Christ, we know that God loves us as we are, leaving us with nothing to prove, assured that He gives us His Spirit to help believers in Him to become all that we were meant to be, no matter what other people may think of us.

I know that, in reality, I only play to a gracious audience of One. But too often, my vain desire for affirmation from those whose word about my life ultimately doesn’t matter can cause me to quake in fear instead of living with love and abandon.

God, help me to get over myself and get out of the way as Christ lives in me.

[By the way, my reunion was a blast!]

1 comment:

Spencer Troxell said...

I've always kind of suspected it works the opposite way; typically, the really arrogant people I have known--the most pretentious--have always been really insecure at heart. It's been that way for me, too. When I find myself condescending to others or holding myself above them, I always end up finding out later on that it was my problem, not theirs. Maybe it's a chicken/egg type situation.