Some Thoughts on Bullying

Here are some good thoughts on bullying from Mart DeHaan, leader of RBC Ministries. They were triggered by his screening of the 2011 documentary, Bully.

DeHaan also includes a definition of bullying:

...aggressive behavior that uses force or coercion to humiliate and exploit the weakness of others.

He then points out that this phenomenon isn't confined to children and cites examples of bullying, as well as bravery in the face of bullying, from the Bible.

I have a particular interest in bullying because I myself was bullied throughout much of my growing-up years. Junior high school (grades 7, 8, and 9) was a nightmare for me. Grade 10 was only marginally better. It included being frequently hit (hard) on the back of the head, getting punched, and often facing off against three to four taunting, hitting, pushing bullies on the daily walk home from school. Verbal taunting and putdowns were steady.

Because of these and other experiences, nobody has to convince me of the reality of original sin. We come fully equipped with the desire to "be like God," which we interpret as being domineering top dogs or at least keeping others "beneath" us.

Adolescence is a time of sorting out and I know now that those classmates who bullied me--many among the most popular kids in the school--were sorting things out: their places in the world, their identities, and so on. I just happened to be a convenient tool for doing that.

In my own case, the experience has left me with a permanent preference for the underdog. I try my best always to affirm the person who seems most ignored or even the most despised in any circle of people.

Nearly five decades later, I can look back and say that while I didn't deserve to be verbally derided, physically punched, slapped in the head, or shunned, my very appearance in a room acted as a flashing, "Bully me!" sign. I was mouthy and egotistical, risky behaviors for one of the smallest and youngest people in my classes. These behaviors can partly be explained because I wasn't just younger than my classmates, I was also the least mature. I was no athlete, though I have always loved sports. I wasn't a scholar or a musician. I had no niche and I was coddled at home. There was plenty about me not to like.

I'm fortunate. I eventually found something of a niche in high school. In subsequent years, my wife Ann has taught me how to do what I so desperately wanted to do in my growing-up years, make friends. God is engaged in a lifelong project of making war on my ego, which, I hope, makes me a little easier to be around. He's also constantly assuring me of my value and worth through Jesus Christ.

Bullying, it seems, is an even bigger issue today than it was when I spent chunks of my school years dreading the beginning of each new day. We live in a far more violent society today. So-called reality shows seem to convey that wise people dominate others. Thuggery is extolled. Dysfunctional families create holes in the souls of too many children. Social media make it easy to bully and humiliate others over the Internet, complete with photoshopped imagery that gives credence to the cruel things bullies say about others. Many kids, whether implicitly or explicitly, see all of these things as green lights for bullying. They make it a hard time to grow up!

Which is why the ministry of the Church is so important!

We proclaim a God Who became one of us in order to offer new life to all who believe in Him. You don't have to be the strongest, smartest, or best-looking according to the shifting standards of a social system ticketed for hell. God loves you as you are and wants to help you become all you were made to be.

If we adult Christians can, through our words and, more importantly, our actions, convey these truths to young people, they'll be less inclined to be bullies or to accept the bullies' verdict about their lives. They'll have less reason to lash out at others because of being the victims of bullying.

As with all things in life, sharing and absorbing the truth about the God Who meets us in Jesus Christ into every element of our lives will go a long way toward diminishing and erasing bullying from kids' lives.

We'll never completely eliminate evil from this fallen world or from ourselves. (And bullying is evil.) But I've found that when Christians start living out their faith in Jesus Christ and relying on the Holy Spirit to guide them in living as the people we were made to be, good things happen in the world around us.

Martin Right to Apologize for Tweets, But Shouldn't Bow to Bullies of Political Correctness

Liberal CNN commentator Roland Martin has been suspended by the news network for two Twitter posts which gay activist groups have rightly seen as demeaning to homosexuals and which could be construed as advocating violence against gays.

Martin, again rightly, has apologized for the two tweets and gay groups have expressed appreciation for the action of CNN and the statement of Martin. Stereotyping is unfair and even hinting at calling for violence against persons for their appearance is wrong.

But, this account says that some gay groups are also upset with columns, like this one Roland Martin wrote in 2006. In this particular piece, Martin, a Christian whose wife has been a Baptist pastor for decades, explains why the majority of the African-American Church cannot see living out a homosexual life style as anything but sin. In it, Martin speaks truth against the prevailing powers of American culture. Here are a few excerpts:

[What must be understood is] that the fundamental issue is that gays and lesbians want to be accepted and embraced by the church, and not acknowledge that they are engaged, in the eyes of the church, in sinful behavior...there will never be a happy medium on this issue.

As individuals, gays and lesbians - those claiming to be born this way and others who say they have evolved to live a homosexual lifestyle - are naturally going to want to live their life as they see fit. And yes, the last thing they want to do is sit in a church and listen to someone from the pulpit castigate their way of life. I get that. But someone who is living with a member of the opposite sex while not married also doesn't want to hear that being preached. And surely the man or woman cheating on their spouse prefers not to hear their behavior cast as being sinful and unGodly.

But for Christians, going to church is not supposed to be a feel good exercise. We are expected to be convicted, and encouraged to walk away from sin and live a more Christ-like life. In my church, this goes for the woman who is an alcoholic, the child who continues to be disobedient to his parents, the young lady who is hell-bent on stealing, and the person who is gay.

Yet what churches must do is make it clear that their doors are not closed to anyone, even if you homosexual.

My wife, an ordained Baptist minister for 20 years, has counseled many men and women to walk away from the gay lifestyle, and to live a chaste life. She has asked heterosexual men and women to abstain from sex until marriage. For her, the obligation is to her calling as a minister of the Word, rather than bowing to societal pressures. She loves gay and lesbian church members dearly, and prays with them, talks to them, and breaks bread with them. But what she cannot do is compromise the integrity of the teachings of Christ.

It would be nonsense for the body of Christ to launch a gay and lesbian ministry that is not focused on teaching God's Word - including those that address homosexuality. Preaching about the dangers of becoming drunkard - which Paul wrote about in the Bible - must be taught alongside of Jesus' admonition in Matthew 19 that God has only called a man and woman to marry.

If a gay or lesbian individual is not willing to belong to a church that preaches this, then they should join whatever house of worship to their liking. But if someone expects to join a church that is rooted in the Bible, then they should be prepared to hear a sermon that might, in the words of the Rev. Frederick D. Haynes III of Dallas' Friendship-West Baptist Church, "bowl down your alley or sit in your pew."

The church is called to love our fellow man, preach the good news and set the captives free - free from a life of sin.

That isn't being homophobic. It's being a Christian. And no one should have to apologize for that.

Martin's tweets were wrong and he's to be commended for his apology.

But he has nothing to apologize for in upholding, as he does in the column cited above, the Bible's teachings that sexual intimacy is reserved for men and women in lifelong marital covenants with God and each other.

There's a lot of bullying happening today, even within our churches. 

The bullies of political correctness, heedless of the loving will of God, want to shut the mouths and the scruples of any who try to speak God's liberating Word to those imprisoned by their own sinful desires. These folks push a false gospel of tolerance that tolerates the spreading of lies that contradict the will and Word of God while being harshly intolerant of anyone who dares to question the prevailing mores of contemporary culture. These are the same kinds of folks who, in bygone days, would have stoned the prophets and said:

"Do not prophesy to us what is right; speak to us smooth things, prophesy illusions, leave the way [of God], turn aside from the path [following God], let us hear no more of the Holy One [God]..." (Isaiah 30:10-11)

Church, we dare not shut up!

To be silent in the face of sin is a sin itself and something for which we will have to one day give an accounting to our Lord.

If we are silent, Christ will pose the same question to us that He will undoubtedly pose to all who have claimed Jesus as Lord, yet acquiesced to sin, including the churches that allowed swastikas in their sanctuaries in Nazi Germany, churches who today embrace the worship of goddesses as well as the God ultimately in Jesus Christ, and churches who turn the salvation God offers for free to all who turn from sin and believe in Jesus Christ into an achievement of human works, among others. The Lord is sure to ask:

Why didn't you love your neighbor enough to speak the truth to them about the dangers to their immortal souls posed by their sins? Why didn't you lovingly call them to turn to Christ, Who forgives sins and gives those who humbly surrender to Him the power of His Holy Spirit to resist sin and walk with Him?

As Martin rightly says, we need not apologize for telling the truth. God's truth is the only thing that can set any of us free...from sin and from death. Are we willing to idly watch as people destroy themselves? Don't we love them enough to tell the truth no matter what society says?

These are questions I ask myself each day and I pray God will give me the strength of character and faith to follow His way and not my own.

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"

One of my nieces posted this on Facebook recently and I re-posted it. It contains a great anti-bullying message and apparently was circulated in connection with suicide prevention: 

The girl you just called fat? She is overdosing on diet pills. 

The girl you just called ugly? She spends hours putting makeup on hoping people will like her. 

The boy you just tripped? He is abused enough at home. 

See that man with the ugly scars? He fought for our country. 

That guy you just made fun of… for crying? His mother is dying.